Thursday, 23 January 2014

I had to trim the story for my animation short as it was working out at roughly 6 minutes long. So I rewrote it and got it down to 3 minutes. It's a pity I hadn't checked the brief first though as the time limit is actually 3 1/2 minutes. But that's good as I was rushing the pace to fit it into 3 minutes, so I can allow a bit of extra time now. So this is the revised version. I'm still not happy with the ending, I keep feeling that the hero should die, but that's just my own personal preference (I don't like happy endings).


THE OLDEST LION (2nd draft)

The crack of a dry twig snapping alerted them to his presence. ‘Looks like Leroy’s back again’ said Nimbey. ‘Why dat old fool have to come here every day?’ asked Molanni agitated. ‘Yes’ said the third lioness, Sinda,’He going to get us all killed wid all dat noise’. ‘Oh relax’, said Nimbey,’You know Leroy’s only tryin to make hiself useful, or he’ll get driven away by the others’. ‘Useful!...useful!’ cried Molanni,’how he gonna be useful? He aint got no strent, no roar, no claws an no teeth, what him gonna do? Suck sometin to death’.

It wasn’t long before the tranquillity of the group was disturbed by a loud, rasping fart.

‘Oh for de Lion King’s sake’ said Molanni. ‘Oh Molanni, he is old, and these days he has to eat Beeno Berries cos he gets no meat, and you know they cause de big wind’.

Another loud fart ripped through the air.

See?, diss is what I mean’, Molanni is getting more annoyed. ‘What we gonna do when sometin happen to de cubs an we’re all passed out from de stink? Nimbey laughs quietly, ‘Oh stop it Molanni, you are forgetting easily what a great leader Leroy was. Most of us wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for him’. ‘And we won’t be here much longer if he keeps doing dat’ replied Molanni, ‘I just wish he would do what all de odder old lions do, and go off by himself and die’. ‘Dat’s right’ said Simba joining in, ‘he is being most selfish by staying here wid us and living’. Nimbey rolled her eyes in despair.

Meanwhile, in the long grass, Leroy has a problem…. ants. He had taken up position lying on the entrance to their nest, and they had been gradually crawling over his body. Now they were starting to bite. He started to crawl backwards until he felt the rough, jagged rocks he’d passed earlier. He began to rub his hindquarters against the rocks to relieve the itching caused by the bites. . A thunderous gush of hot air from above his head almost knocked him over. He slowly raised his head to see where it came from, only to be faced with a giant, upside-down, buffalo’s face. He looked back at his tail end and realised he’d been rubbing himself against the leg of the biggest water buffalo he’d ever seen. This was not good. Lions and water buffalo don’t get along at the best of times, so rubbing your buttocks against their legs is probably a bad idea. Leroy quickly swung around and backed up a little, smiling sheepishly. ‘Er, hi’ he said, ‘I suppose your wondering what I was doing back there?’ ‘Amaze me’ boomed the water buffalo, as he stared at Leroy menacingly. ‘It’s juss dat I thought you were a rock’, said Leroy, still smiling. ‘And you go around rubbing your buttocks against rocks?’ the buffalo asked, ‘Yes, yes…I mean no, only when it’s itchy’ Leroy was starting to get flustered, ‘I mean, I rub all of me against rocks….when I’m itchy, and I would have rubbed all of me against you only if….o.k., that’s not coming out right’. ‘Well now I’m going to rub all of my horns against your puny, pathetic old body. And then I’m going to do the same thing to dem lionesses and dem cubs. It’s not that I actually want to….dem  cubs is just so cute, but you know I have to’. ‘Yeah, and you know that I have to stop You’, replied Leroy. ‘Yeah, well, good luck wid dat’, said the buffalo.

Leroy knew he had to act fast. He called out to the girls, ‘GIRLS….GET DEM CUBS AN RUN’.  His stomach was rolling around with pressure by now, from the Beeno berries, and he sprang into action. He dived at the big bulls right horn and swung his body around its head, landing perfectly with his buttocks squarely over the bulls mouth. Holding on with his front paws on the bulls horns he strained with every muscle and tendon until his heart nearly burst. Finally the pressure inside his bowels erupted and the big bull started to shake, as his body filled with nauseous gases. The combination of Leroy’s gas and the buffalos own gastric juices caused a chemical reaction that was literally explosive. The big bull burst apart, body parts flying in all directions. Leroy, along with many chunks of buffalo, was propelled back towards the girls and cubs. He landed in the clearing where the cubs had been playing, and lay there motionless, in a heap of blood and guts.

The girls and the cubs had been hiding under the trees and made their way slowly to where Leroy lay. ‘Ohh Leroy’ sobbed Molanni, ‘you sacrificed yourself for us you silly old brave fool’. Nimbey and Simba were trying to hold the cubs back, along with their own tears. ‘Poor Leroy’ said Nimbey, ‘I knew he’d save us one day’. Simba just burst into tears. The babies didn’t know what was going on, though they were frightened by the big bang. The toddlers, on the other hand, were more curious and rushed over to Leroy’s body. The girls began nudging him with their noses, looking for some kind of reaction. The cubs wondered if he might be their next meal and started licking the blood and entrails stuck to his fur. Leroy couldn’t contain the laughter any longer, their tongues really tickled. He roared with laughter, ‘I did it!’ he yelled, ‘did you see? ‘Leroy, your alive’, Nimbeys tears turned into a wide grin. The others stopped crying and started smiling too. ‘I’m sorry for teasing’ said Leroy, ‘I wondered if you’d be sad if I died and I’m glad that you were, but I’m afraid you might be stuck with me for a while longer’. ‘Leroy!’, Nimbey had just realised something, ‘when we tell the others how you saved us, they will want you to stay with us every day from now on’. ‘Of course’, said Molanni, ‘if you have a useful role it means you can stay’. They all cheered and hugged Leroy.

THE END
I'm sure there will be more rewrites yet but it's enough to move on to the next stage.

 

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